Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
