people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I need moral support for this bender
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
