take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
