What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
