I wish my penis had an off switch
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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