Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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