I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
bring money and cleavage
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
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