According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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