I feel great
I just peed on a car
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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