Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
