u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
