if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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