It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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