I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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