just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
