Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
