You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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