I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize