You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
