i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
