a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Found the puke drawer
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
