Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
