Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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