The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
