Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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