Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
