I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Randomize
