im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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