I need help removing her.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
