Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
