Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
