Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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