I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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