She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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