i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
