omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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