THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
