My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
