I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
