Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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