I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
