So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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