apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
