there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
