I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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