She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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