I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
