So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize