i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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