I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
