i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
