I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You're a waste of cheezeits
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
