i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
