just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
