He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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