hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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