Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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