maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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