Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
