My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
