I am in a vortex of obligation.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize