Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You have to summon your inner elephant
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
