Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
