College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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