what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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