2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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