my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
