Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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