just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
