What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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