Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
