I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
