While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
