I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
