break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
