So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
