The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
