Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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