i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
