I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
