I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
