But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
