Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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