either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
