Yo dont text me then not text me
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
