I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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