Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
