i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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