alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
