I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
