If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
