my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
