hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
