4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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