Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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