We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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