No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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