you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
