If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
