My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
