So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize