Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
