Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
