saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
