Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
