oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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