So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
