Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize