Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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