You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
