Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
