i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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