He disabled his match.com account in front of me
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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